Awright, y’all, I’ve gotta confess that I’m a bit hot under the collar of my T-shirt after readin’ that public schools may stop teachin’ cursive writing. Now, my hide’s not chapped for them wanting to stop teachin’ this. I’m hotter’n a cornered possum that our schools began teachin’ cursive writing to start with. When did this happen?
Dagnabbit, it’s bad enough that our young-uns got to hear cussin’ on TV, in rap music blastin’ from car radios, and occasionally from some drunk uncle, but who in blue blazes thought it would be a good idea to teach kids the proper way to write curse words in an essay or book report? This is plumb ridiculous!
Apparently cursive writing has been goin’ on for a long spell. I can’t blame it on that hair-brained wackadoodle who just became Secretary of Education. According to what I read in the papers, cursive writing has been taught for decades here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. It’s no wonder that some little kids curse like a rum-soaked sailor when the school marms have been teachin’ them cussin’ writing since the 3rd grade. Dang it, folks, this just ain’t right! Kids need to learn readin’, writin’ proper words and ‘rithmatic, not how to write speeches for politicians.
I don’t know who is responsible for putting a stop to cursive writing in public schools, but I’d like to shake their hands. In this insane world led by government officials who are all paddling their canoe with a warped oar, it’s good to know there are some decent folks with enough common sense to see writing curse words shouldn’t be taught to our kids. I am thrilled to see the end of cursive writing in our schools, and I think …
Hold on a sec, folks. My wife is looking over my shoulder readin’ this as I’m writin’.
Say what? Cursive writing ain’t writing cuss words? Oh, it’s that fancy writing we were taught back in grammar school and not puttin’ swear words down on paper. Well, gosh, I’m as embarrassed as a presenter at the Academy Awards. All this rantin’ and ravin’ over nothin’. I got all lathered up and fussed about something that ain’t even true.
But, wait! Then they are planning to do away with fancy writing in schools, huh? Well, I don’t think I have a problem with that. Heck, kids today don’t even know how to use an ink pen except to dig wax out of their ears. They use their stupid cell phones for all communication. The only time they use a pen is to sign their names on a contract with Verizon or Sprint.
I don’t write much in cursive anymore. Back in high school, I had beautiful penmanship, but due to decades of hard labor, calluses and arthritis make my cursive writing look like a spider monkey on meth found my Bic pen and Big Chief tablet and went to town on it. Saying my cursive writing is like chicken scratch is an insult to poultry all over the world.
Okay, so they stop teaching cursive writing to kids. What will they stop teaching next? History? I feel like millions of Americans can’t recall much about history nowadays. Even folks who should know better ought to know a certain historical figure died in 1895. And it wouldn’t hurt if they read a certain document written back in 1787.
Well, enough complaining for today. I need to get my wife to proofread the rest of this column once she wipes the tears from her eyes from laughing at me. Hey, it was an honest mistake, but if any of y’all want to write me a nasty letter, why don’t you pen it in cursive if you remember how.
Thanks goodness Clint’s wife reviews his columns. It would be downright shocking to the readers if his tequila-induced meanderings made it straight into print.