From the Crow’s Nest
by CLINT YOUNTS

As I was munching on a juicy pork tenderloin and jalapeno sandwich, I was shocked to hear the news that the folks in PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, have asked the popular country music group, the Zac Brown Band, to change the lyrics in their hit song “Chicken Fried” as a sign of support for mistreated chickens in America. Aw, come on now, this has got to be a joke, right?  PETA can’t really be silly enough to request this from a bunch of southern-grown, good ol’ boys from Georgia, asking the band to substitute “tofu” for “chicken fried” in their song. I had to check this story out for the sake of fans of country music and the breaded, gravy covered steaks that we all love.

Once I got on PETA’s website, I discovered this rumor is indeed a fact. Some bean sprout-eating, plastic shoe-wearing goobers, horrified by the way chickens are treated in this country, asked the band to change the title and lyrics of “Chicken Fried.”  They also proposed that the members of the band should become vegans. Have these PETA clowns lost their soy-soaked minds? Have they ever seen the Zac Brown Band? When the band recently won a Grammy, I swear I saw a pork rib stuck in Zac’s beard.

After extensive research on the PETA website, I’ve come to the conclusion that the majority of its members are a bunch of scrawny nuts. Don’t get me wrong; I strongly detest cruelty to animals. I thought Michael Vick should have been forced to wear a pair of those edible panties and sit on a fire ant mound. Cruelty to animals should not be tolerated, but ranting about the poor living conditions of animals produced for human consumption is falling on deaf ears out here on the Crow’s Nest.

I raise cattle on land that supported several generations of sheep, goats and cattle, so I take offense to narrow-minded individuals who claim raising animals for slaughter is cruel. I love raising cattle, but I also love the taste of a perfectly grilled rib-eye. If man wasn’t created to eat meat, then God wouldn’t have fitted us with incisors and canine teeth. If He wanted us to be vegetarians, we’d all have extra compartments in our innards to digest grass and brussels sprouts, and then we’d be emitting all the methane into our ozone layer instead of the cows since that species would’ve become extinct eons ago, along with the domesticated chicken.

If PETA gets Zac and the boys to change the lyrics to their song, what’s to stop them from messing with other songs? How about Garth Brooks’ rendition of “Dixie Chicken” or Roy Orbison’s “Chicken Hearted”?

Let’s not forget about the mistreated cows out there. You think Charlie Pride would change his song “Burger and Fries” to “Tofu and Tater Tots”?  I’m sure Jimmy Buffett would rewrite the title of “Cheeseburger in Paradise” to “Veggieburger in Paradise” if PETA asked him to. I wonder if Nancy Sinatra was wearing leather footwear when she sang “These Boots Were Made for Walkin’.”  Do you suppose Gene Autry felt remorse for singing “Back in the Saddle Again” while thousands of well-fed cattle were living in feedlots throughout the West?

What would happen if all mention of alcohol were to be banned from our music? Willie Nelson and Toby Keith would be working at Walmart. Jimmy Buffett would be cleaning fish in Key West. And Zac Brown would be writing jingles for Schick razors. I’d have to delete half the songs on my iPod and replace them with songs by Perry Como and Pat Boone. I can’t see myself driving my tractor, listening to my iPod and singing along to “Tiny Bubbles.”

I think PETA should stop bugging country music artists and concentrate on more important issues, like anorexia. As for me, I think I’ll go on loving chicken fried, a cold beer on Friday night, a pair of jeans that fit just right and the radio playing songs from the Zac Brown Band.

rockytop78640@yahoo.com