From the Crow’s Nest
by CLINT YOUNTS
All you coyotes out there need to watch out. The guv is packing heat! A few days back, our very own governor, Rick Perry, was out jogging near his rented mansion in west Austin when a vicious coyote sprang from the brush and attempted to feast on Gov. Perry’s new puppy. Little did ol’ Wiley Coyote know, the governor of Texas carries a pistol and knows how to use it. One well-placed shot (he claims, and we all know how politicians tend to stretch the truth) and the mangy varmit was dispatched to the lonesome prairie in the sky.
Two aspects of this story impressed me. First of all, our governor can still run at his age. I’m not sure how old Ranger Rick is, but I figure he and I are pert near the same age, and I gave up running five years ago along with greasy food and good eyesight. Not only can Perry go jogging, but he can stop and draw his sidearm without wheezing for oxygen. I bet his hair wasn’t even mussed up.
What impresses me even more is Perry’s deadly accuracy with a handgun. Sure, he has a laser sight on his pistola which makes aiming a tad easier, but you’ve still got to stand still, aim and squeeze the trigger. I know how hard it is to accurately shoot a pistol, especially after running; you’ve got the gun in one sweaty palm and your inhaler in the other, heart’s pumping like a west Texas oil well. You’ve got salty sweat running down into your eyes and something else running down your leg after getting the living daylights scared out of you. There you are, face-to-face with a blood-thirsty carnivore staring straight into your eyes. There’s no time to think about your enemy, or what the voters with membership to PETA will think. It’s do or die, him or you. Survival of the fittest. BANG!
I’ve got a pistol that I carry around the ranch with me, mostly to look cool, but I have been known to shoot it in the direction of coyotes, snakes and other varmints. I actually killed a rattlesnake recently with some fine shooting (no laser sights for me, just good old-fashion luck), but all my shots at coyotes went askew. I figured the bullets were faulty, but at least the coyotes got the message: Don’t mess with Texans!
I reckon there are some people out there who object to us country folks shooting critters, and I must confess that I never shoot anything that doesn’t pose a threat, or as Perry said, “imminent danger,” to myself, my livestock or Maw’s flower garden. I don’t hunt deer or shoot dove, but I’ll blast an armadillo to Shanghai with my 12-gauge if I catch him digging in my freshly sodden lawn.
Coyotes aren’t cute, cuddly canines who howl at the moon or a passing train. These carnivores are known to attack and kill family pets and even young children. I have seen a coyote stalking a young fawn with its protective but poorly armed mother standing nearby. If it hadn’t been for a couple of well-placed bullets, that fawn would’ve died at the hands of that coyote. Now it can grow up and get shot by some Cabela’s-outfitted human.
On another occasion, a large coyote was seen stalking a week-old antelope. I chased this one through the woods with my gun cocked and loaded. No, my gun was cocked; I was loaded. Anyways, I trailed this varmit deep into the woods, never able to get off a clean shot. I am always careful about shooting out in the woods, especially after that ugly accident with the neighbor’s aboveground pool. Unfortunately, I haven’t seen the baby antelope since that day.
Some tofu-eating, hemp shoes-wearing individual might say, “A coyote has the right to eat,” and I’d say, “Yeah, and if I see one on my place, he has the right to eat lead!” I know several people who have lost their cats and small dogs to coyote. I personally had to remove dozens of stitches from a family dog who was viciously attacked by a coyote. The same family lost a second dog to a coyote shortly after that attack. Does this killer coyote deserve the right to live and feast on other neighbors’ pets? Governor Perry and I say, “Not while I’m running this place.”
rockytop78640@yahoo.com
