by Kim Hilsenbeck

If you are like me, finding clothes that fit well and look flattering can be a nightmare. Occasionally I have a great shopping day, but more often, it feels like an exercise in futility.

As a 40-something year old woman, I have my own sense of style. I know basically what works and what doesn’t. Hey, I watched Stacey and Clinton on “What not to wear.”

But I wish I could wear more sleeveless tops or maybe a pair of tight jeans under a billowy top.

Personal wardrobe stylist and shopper, CJ Legare of Kyle, sees no problem with those options for a girl of my, let’s say, stature.

(Which is euphemistic for kind of heavy.)

And for women who don’t enjoy shopping – or tend to gravitate toward clothes that don’t flatter their body type – having someone like Legare along for the ride can make the nightmare quite a bit more tolerable. Enjoyable, even.

Feel like you have no idea how to shop for what looks best on you? Consider working with a personal shopper and stylist. They are a neutral sounding board who don’t work on commission based on the total cost of clothes sold. You pay for time and advice and the opinions of someone who has your best interest at heart. Because if you look good, so does she.

Worried about the cost? Consider working with someone like Legare, who teaches clients how to find the clothes that work best for them so they can be confident about choices in the future.

A former plus-size model and creator of the Functional Girl website, in addition to stylist, beauty advisor and all-around champion of women, Legare’s approach to female fashion is, to say the least, unconventional.

She talked about a recent outing with a friend who wore a little cover up over a sleeveless shirt because she didn’t like her arms.

I know the feeling. I recently wore a sleeveless summer dress with a little sweater, covering up arms that could easily block a tackle.

Legare agreed to be my personal stylist and shopper on a recent Thursday. At her suggestion, we went to Torrid — a plus-sized women’s clothing store — at the outlets in San Marcos.

Her only rule was I couldn’t say no to trying something on that she thought would look good on me, no matter how I felt about it. I gulped down my self-deprecation.

It was an interesting outing to say the least.

As a stylist, Legare first talks with her clients about their style preferences, colors, things they’re afraid of or curious about.

“Also what we talk about is body image,” she said, “because so much of the way women dress involves, well, how they feel about their bodies.”

Speaking from personal experience — she is correct.

“What makes me different as a stylist is, so many wardrobe stylists will say, ‘If you have the arms for it, you can wear sleeveless’.” 

Pish-posh.

“OK, here’s my philosophy. If you have arms, you have the arms for sleeveless. If you have a body, you have a bikini body.”

I started vigorously shaking my head no.

“Yes,” she said. “I don’t buy into this idea that you have to wear certain things to cover up your body because your body parts are unacceptable. Your body is a beautiful, functioning one-of-a-kind work of art,” she said.

Curves should be showcased, Legare believes.

At close to six feet, with ample curves, she speaks from experience. Still, I lamented my linebacker-sized arms.

“Hey girl, there’s nothing wrong with being a strong woman,” she said.

Legare approaches style and fashion with a decided flair and whimsy — she eschews traditional media messages that make women think they can’t wear particular clothing or styles.

“If you don’t like the way I look, don’t look at me. That’s not my problem, that’s your problem,” she said.

I said I would love to adopt that attitude.

“It’s about changing your perspective,” she countered. “We weren’t born hating our bodies. We were taught over time to think that there is something wrong with our bodies.”

From media images to family members hurtful comments, many American women end up not liking themselves or how they look.

“I didn’t wear shorts for 16 years because I thought my legs were ugly,” Legare said. “There are people who don’t have legs. You have legs that work!”

I’m not there yet, I told her.

“We’ll get there. We start with a life stylist, not a fashion stylist,” she said.

As we checked out the dresses, shirts and pants hanging beautifully on the racks at Torrid, she watched as I said yes to this and no to that. On the no’s, she would ask, why?

The answer more often than not was it wouldn’t look good on my body. I commented on my arms, my calves and my stomach.

She gave me a big hug. I felt myself relax and start trying to see my body from Legare’s worldview.

“Every time you say something awful about your body, stop and say something beautiful about your body,” Legare advised. “That’s where it starts – reprogramming your thinking.”

Shopping with Legare was a change of pace – and a refreshing one at that. Every time I had a negative reaction, she was there to balance it with a positive comment.

She suggested skinny jeans and jeggings (why?) and a black off-the-shoulder shirt (oh, no). But I took them into the dressing room anyway. Because she said “why not” and “oh, yes.”

And I found myself pleasantly surprised at some of the choices we made: a little white denim jacket, a long floral patterned dress, a pair of jeans and a few flouncy little tops with spaghetti straps. Linebacker arms be damned.

The items that went back on the racks? Some dresses, jeggins (I was right) and several other tops.

My philosophy?

If I don’t love it, I don’t buy it.

In the end, though, the lesson was that a good stylist can help direct women to fashions that work for their body type, while offering a chance to branch out into the great unknown and take a few fashion risks. 

And that black off-the shoulder number? Let’s just say if you see me wearing it around town, I will be rocking it.