By Paige Lambert
Losing a loved one is always difficult, especially for young children.
A Dripping Springs ISD graduate and now Buda resident has created a way to open the dialogue of talking about loss with preschoolers.
Lauren Flake published “Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? A Preschooler’s Guide to Losing a Loved One” March 21. The 28-page illustrated book talks about a loved one’s passing in a way that children understand.
Flake’s mother passed from early onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2013, when Flake was pregnant with her second daughter, she said.
The next year, Flake wrote a sonnet when her two-year-old began calling her grandmother a pretty bird, she said.
“My mother-in-law cried when I read it to her on the phone,” Flake said. “And she said you need to publish this.”
Currently there are few books that deal with loss and are geared to young children, said Kim Lauer, Bethany Lutheran Church children’s minister.
She said many books focus on how parents can talk to their kids about death.
“This will help a little child deal with loss and it’s perfect for the age range,” Lauer said. “It’s so visual and simple it will help them grasp it a little better.”
In the book, one couplet mirrors a watercolor image of nature that corresponds with the words.
Flake took another year to publish because she didn’t find the right illustrator, or one that was affordable. During the fall of 2015 she had an epiphany of how to put her mom into the book, she said.
“There were couplets in the sonnet that went perfectly with my mom’s artwork,” Flake said. “I finally decided I could fill in the other pages and just started sketching.”
Mitzi Hudgins, director of the Hays Hills Baptist Church preschool, said many parents have asked for tools to talk with children about the touchy subject.
At a young age, many children don’t know how to express grief, or what it even is, she said.
“It’s hard for preschoolers to deal with emotion,“ Hudgins said. “It (the book) helps initiate questions and will help keep the memory of the grandparents alive.”
Flake’s four-year-old learned much about her grandmother while she helped approve the illustrations, such as making Flake change a black night sky to blue, Flake said.
Flake said her younger daughter also helped pick out the cover. While she doesn’t remember her grandmother, she constantly asks Flake to read the book, she said.
“The message I want to instill is that grandma, or whoever it was that died, is gone, but she still lives on in you,” Flake said. “And the activities in there are basically a way to honor their memory.”
A parent guide in the back gives guidance and examples of how parents can talk to their children about death. The guide lists anything from crafts and activities to movies like “The Lion King” and “Inside Out.”
The book is available through Amazon and Barnes & Noble, she said. Flake said she hopes to publish editions that apply to grandpas, adults and in Spanish.
“It’s a foundation for understanding these concepts they can relate to more fully down the road,” Flake said. “Even as adults the concepts of death are hard to wrap your head around.”
