As y’all might recall, the last time you heard from me, I was jawing about running for president as a write-in candidate. Well, I officially threw my cowboy hat into the ring. Actually, the wind blew my hat clean off my noggin while I was on my tractor, and it landed smack-dab on a fresh cow patty. Well, if that weren’t appropriate for this current presidential campaign, I don’t know what is.

Now, I don’t know diddly-squat about getting my name on the ballot. Some fella tw...