By Melissa Rodriguez
It’s not unusual to hear people say, “if he (or she) REALLY loves you, they want you all to themselves.”
But what starts as a special feeling of undivided attention can sometimes lead to a form of possessive jealousy that can lead to verbal, psychological, sexual and/or physical abuse.
In fact, after a recent workshop with young females ranging from late elementary age to early high school age, there was a marked attitude shift when asked whether or not jealousy is a healthy or unhealthy trait in a relationship.
The younger aged participants all agreed that it was a potential red flag while the older participants mostly agreed that it was “sweet” and that it “means that they really like you.”
Descriptions of what it means to be in an unhealthy or healthy relationship are quite varied, but one thing is for certain – we need to have more discussion about the topic.
One example of unhealthy jealousy leading to something more serious is stalking. With today’s advances in technology, stalking can be accomplished in ways most of us cannot even imagine.
Veronica Medina, the Hays Caldwell Women’s Center (HCWC) shelter legal advocate, has encountered an increased number of technology stalking cases in the McCoy Family Shelter.
“It’s more common than one would think. Abusers often use technology on smart phones to not only locate their victims, but also to contact them by using phone applications designed to call using anonymous phone numbers,” Medina said. “Another tool used is creating fake social media profiles to contact their victims, sometimes despite protective orders to not have contact.”
Stalking both in the traditional sense of being followed and harassed physically and technology stalking can create a sense of fear, making victims feel like they cannot be safe anywhere.
Kate Foreman, HCWC’s shelter resident counselor, often works with shelter residents on these psychological effects.
She recounted a recent situation where “(my) client told me her abuser broke into her home while she wasn’t there and left obvious signs that someone had been there.
“These intimidation techniques made her feel like her abuser could enter her life at any given moment, which caused her to develop feelings of anxiety and fear,” Foreman said.
Another form of stalking that can continue the psychological and emotional damage is when a relationship involves shared custody of children where children can be used to gain information about the other parent and can leave children feeling confused and scared.
HCWC provides free and confidential emergency shelter, counseling and advocacy services to women, men and children who are victims of abuse.
Individual counseling can help identify abusive behavior patterns and help victims further explore options as well as learn ways to create healthy relationships in the future.
There are also ways that anyone can become involved and help end domestic violence in our community.
It can be as simple as joining HCWC in spreading education and awareness about abuse by following us on social media and sharing educational content with your friends by using the handle: @HCWCenter on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram or by subscribing to our email list.
You can also visit our new educational website www.StopTheHurt.org for more education on abuse issues. For more information services, please call HCWC at (512) 396-3404 or visit www.hcwc.org
This article is part one of a four-week series focusing on raising awareness about domestic violence. October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and we hope to educate our community on this very serious issue. According to the Hays Caldwell Women’s Center, 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
