Have y’all seen the latest fashions in menswear? Last month, some goofy-lookin’ outfit called a men’s romper was introduced to the fashion world. In case you haven’t seen this atrocious attire, allow me to describe it. The romper is a one-piece shirt/shorts combo that comes in several pastel colors. It is similar to those coveralls our dads wore back in the ’60s except they are short pants and come in colors you’d find on the walls of a women’s boutique.
I don’t know if rompers button up or have zippers, but either way, it won’t be easy to drop trou quickly if that burrito from 7-11 has an express pass. If I was the designer of the romper, I would’ve put in a trap door like those long-handle underwear because there are times where every second counts.
A new fashion for hypoandrogenic (look it up) men that popped up on Facebook today are lacey shorts. These are what they sound like; they are flimsy shorts made out of a lacey material. I suspect this fashion began over in France or perhaps Italy and made its way across the pond to America. I can’t fathom any designer at Levi Strauss coming up with the idea of making pants with doilies.
So, now we men have the choice of donning a romper or lacey shorts once we get tired of wearing Wranglers. Personally, I don’t plan on making the switch to unmanly menswear. I have been wearing jeans for over 50 years, and I don’t plan to switch to prissy pantaloons in this lifetime. And if some family member thinks it would be funny to dress me in a romper as I lie in my casket, I swear I’ll come back and haunt you.
Some of y’all folks who might be city-dwellers may wonder why I wear jeans so often and not a more comfortable, loose-fitting pair of pants. Sure, baggy shorts might be comfy and cooler on a hot day, but living out on a ranch, you never know when you will have to climb over a barbed wire fence. With well-fitted denim jeans, it is much safer to cross over the wire while someone wearing baggy britches could easily snag his dangly bits on a sharp barb.
I have not yet seen any fellas ‘round here wearing a romper or lacey shorts, but then I don’t go into the Land of the Weird very often. I suspect they are individuals wearing such attire walking around on 6th Street, but I doubt I’d see any guy walk into Riley’s Tavern wearing a fuchsia romper with matching flip-flops and ordering a Lone Star draft. He might walk in but he’d probably get carried out.
Hey, I’m not one to talk bad about men’s fashion. I admit I don’t know what’s stylish. I have a wife and daughters to keep me from looking like a clown. I haven’t bought clothes without female supervision since 1979. I wonder what ever happened to that fishnet tank top and my favorite Farrah Fawcett T-shirt? They both disappeared from my dresser drawer shortly after getting married.
Nope, there ain’t no way you’ll see me dressed like a toddler going to church on Easter morning. Until some new fashion comes along where the outfit makes a man look mighty fine, doesn’t cause a ruckus in beer joints and keeps his bojangles in place, I plan to live and die in my faded blue jeans and sweat-stained T-shirt.
Clint Younts’ bull might run for his neighbor’s pasture if he ever showed up in pastel lacies. In the meantime, you an reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.