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These boots weren’t made for marching

Is it just me or are there a lot of protests going on these days? I don’t mean over in other countries but here in America. All across these once united states, a mess of folks with their panties in a wad are fussin’ over one thing or another. Everywhere President Trump goes, there’s an angry mob hollering and thrusting homemade signs up for all the cameras to see. Throughout the south, hostile crowds gather at Civil War monuments to squabble about something that occurred over 150 years ago. Even here in Texas, we have folks with chapped butt cheeks marching in Austin over just ‘bout anything.

Now, I’m not gonna jump into any political debate or express my views on such matters, but there is something about all these marches and protests that got me perturbed. It seems these protests are going on all the time, every day of the week. I’m really curious; don’t these demonstrators have a job? They must be earning money somehow in order to buy poster boards and Marks-A-Lots. And with all that marching, I bet they wear out their shoes right fast.

If they are employed, do they ask their bosses for a day off so they can protest or do they call in sick? I don’t know about y’all, but if I were to call in and lie about being sick, you won’t catch me marching around under a broiling sun. I’m more apt to get caught floating down some river with a Yeti full of cold beer.

So, how do you reckon an employee with ill-fitting drawers asks his supervisor for time off so he can demonstrate about some new law? “Excuse me, boss, but I need to take tomorrow off because I want to attend a rally and march down Congress.” He might just hear his supervisor reply, “While you’re at it, march on down to the unemployment office, you lazy bum!”

I suppose lots of these protesters are college students. With a good class schedule, you can march on the capitol for that hour between Pre-Cal and Psych 101. I know there was a lot of protesting on college campuses back in the sixties and early seventies, but I can’t recall much protesting going on while I attended college in ‘76. But then, most of my memories of those four years are a bit hazy. The only rallies I attended were held in local bars after football games.

You won’t normally see many hard-working, blue-collared laborers attending protests unless certain criteria have been met. First of all, don’t schedule a protest during the work week. Marching burns a lot of calories, and we have to work hard to buy groceries. The rally needs to be on a Saturday but not during football season. The only protesting you’ll hear from me during football season will be due to poor officiating.

Don’t ask folks who spend 40 hours a week working on their feet to march around town. If you want us to attend a protest march, supply us with a golf cart with a Yeti filled with ice. If you want to see a bunch of rednecks protesting, just fill those iceboxes with fruity wine coolers.

And, lastly, don’t expect a mass of good ol’ country boys to attend some protest in the big city this summer as long as there’s water in the creek, beer in the cooler and our butts in an inner tube. Life’s too short to be angry all the time.

Clint Younts might not be protesting at the Capitol, but he might be heard griping at critters while he shreds the weeds on his acreage.

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