Alright, I know all y’all have heard that OJ Simpson is getting paroled in a couple of months. And I’m not about to step into a pile of horse turds and give my honest opinion on this subject. I reckon about 90% of Americans with an IQ in double digits know that OJ is about as innocent as an American politician in a Russian hot tub.
Now, I have sat in a few jury boxes in my days, and I understand a bit about the legal system. A defendant, such as OJ, is considered innocent until proven guilty. I sat on a jury where pert near every juror thought the dude was guilty, but the DA could not present enough evidence to persuade us to declare him guilty. The guy got off because we jurors saw insufficient evidence to convict.
Personally, I think we should tweak our judicial system a little. Instead of a jury just having two choices, guilty and not guilty, I think we jurors should have a third option. Just once I would like to hear this in court:
Judge: “Jury, have you made a decision?”
Foreman of the jury: “Yes, your Honor. We find the defendant probably guilty as hell, but we’re gonna let him go anyway.”
So, back to OJ. A jury found him not guilty of murdering his wife and her friend, but he was tossed in jail a few years later for armed robbery. OJ has served his time for this offense and has been a model citizen in prison, so why shouldn’t he be paroled? Whoa! Hold on and let me continue without y’all getting your drawers twisted. Y’all should know there’s more sarcasm lurking in the shadows.
I believe we should help poor old OJ once he’s a free man. He has lost lots of his money paying the family of the two people that he probably killed, and OJ may need help getting back on his feet once he gets paroled. And as you all know, I like to help out the downtrodden. So, I have come up with some potential jobs that OJ could do once he gets released from prison.
OJ would be a great salesman at a Ford dealership. Who else knows more about a Ford Bronco than OJ Simpson? I don’t know about y’all, but when I see a white Ford Bronco, I think of OJ.
How about being a hand model for Isotoner gloves? There has never been more brouhaha about a glove since OJ’s murder trial. He could make a killing, um, let me rephrase that. He could sell a lot of gloves to folks between his October release and Christmas.
OJ has been around the block, or in his case, the cellblock, a time or two. He knows how to make the right choices and can lead others down the road to success. He would make a wonderful life coach. Or perhaps become a marriage counselor.
OJ was once a talented thespian back in the day. With such artistic movies being made now like the “Emoji Movie” and “Baywatch”, I am sure OJ could star in “Police Academy 7”. Is it too early to talk about Academy Award nominations?
Now, I believe that I have found the perfect career for OJ Simpson once he leaves the state pen in October. A job that he obviously is suited for. He has the skills and vast experience. Yep, OJ can trade his orange jumpsuit for an apron and become a chef at some Benihana restaurant in southern California. I heard he makes a spicy tuna roll that’s to die for.
Clint Younts lets his mind wander while he floats with his beer in his pool in the Crow’s Nest. The cattle probably consider his pool as more like their trough.