Don’t mess with Texas beers

I’m no big fan of our current president and his menagerie of misfits over in D.C. This probably comes as no surprise to any of y’all who are so blessed to know me. As much as I personally dislike Donald Trump, y’all aren’t apt to see me publicly bad-mouth the pompous POTUS. I won’t mention anything about his edematous egotism or all those sophomoric tweets, and I won’t write anything about the possibility of Trump being in cahoots with the Russians. I definitely would never joke about his infidelity and sexual escapades. No sir, I’m not one to voice my opinion on the actions of our scarlet-crested commander-in-chief, unless he does some bone-headed thing that directly affects my personal life and well-being.

I just read that Trump’s decision to impose a tariff on imported steel and aluminum could drastically alter my simplistic, tranquil life out here at the Crow’s Nest. Now, I’m normally a peaceful fella, highly tolerant of those folks who tend to be inconsiderate of others and about as intelligent as bucket of dirt, but when some elected (not by me) government entity shoves a bur under my saddle, I’m gonna fuss nice and loud.

You see, I’m a simple man who enjoys sitting beneath a shade tree or a tin roof, sipping on a finely brewed mug of beer. I like trying new beers and visiting the numerous craft breweries here in the Texas hill country. Y’all won’t catch me out on some golf course on a Saturday afternoon, but you’re mighty likely to see me at a local brewery sampling a flight of craft beers. That’s what I do, and I do it quite well.

Now, Trump’s tariff on aluminum could produce a multi-million dollar tax on U.S. beverage makers and could possibly result in the loss of 20,000 jobs according to the Beer Institute. The tariff will make it more expensive to put tasty craft beer into cans for us Texans who enjoy a cold one while we are floating down a river on a summer day. One Austin brewery claims the tariff will cost them $50,000 annually, so guess how they will cover this cost? That’s right, Bubba! That six-pack is gonna cost a lot more in the near future. Instead of buying Fireman’s 4 or Thirsty Goat, you’ll be getting Milwaukee’s Best, Natty Light or some other beer that tastes like it came from a skunk’s bladder.

Now that I have your undivided attention, y’all might be wondering, “If this tariff goes into effect and causes a drastic decline in the supply of affordable good beer on grocery store shelves, how will this directly affect my life?” Well, let me tell you. Instead of getting a 6-pack of craft beer from the store and sitting under a tree in your backyard with your loving wife, you will start going to rural breweries in search of a good, hoppy IPA. After tasting every variety of beer on tap, you end up passed out beneath a clump of cedars. You franticly wake up at 2 in the morning after rolling over on top of a porcupine.

So, do you now see why this tariff is such a terrible idea? Even if you generally support President Trump, all you lovers of craft beers have to agree, after reading my scenario, his tariff will be a big pain in the butt. As for me, if Trump proceeds with this awful tariff, I will be forced to take off my White Mule gloves and unleash my unbridled ire towards him and his presidency. Unless I switch back to drinking ice-cold Lone Star beer from a longneck bottle. I haven’t read of any tariffs on glass. Cheers! 

Clint Younts does love his beer. Enough said. Long live Lone Star.

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