Not another holiday

Easter is just around the corner, I hear. I’m not sure what day in April it falls this year, but I’m pretty sure it’s on a Sunday. I don’t know why they keep changing the day every year. I reckon it has something to do with the arrival of spring and the emergence of the Easter Bunny from his winter hibernation. Or is that the groundhog? Heck, I can’t keep all these holidays straight. There’re so many dang holidays, I need a calendar to keep track of them and someone to remind me to look at the calendar.

Speakin’ of holidays, I hear there’re some folks who are pushing to have Election Day as a national holiday. I suppose they’re talking about the big one in November and not all election days that pop up every month or so. I don’t know why we need to have a day off just to vote. Although, after seeing all the vicious advertising on TV and hearing the gaseous emissions from the candidates for so many months, it would be nice to head down to the local tavern after voting to drown your sorrows and talk about old times when we had honest, law-abiding politicians.

If we are going to add a national holiday to the calendar, I don’t think it should be Election Day. First of all, we already have two holidays in November. We don’t need another one then. If we need a day off, let it be in March. I don’t think we have any national holidays that month, unless the Easter Bunny wakes up early to go pee.

We could use a holiday in June. All we have now in that month is Father’s Day. That’s fine and dandy, but for us dads who have an aversion to neckties, there’s not much happening on Father’s Day. Mothers get much more attention and gifts on their day. I reckon if we dads had passed a 9-pound baby through our loins, we’d get better gifts.

Lots of folks want to have the Monday after the Super Bowl as a national holiday instead of having to call in sick that day. I don’t think it should be a national holiday, but maybe a state holiday just for the two states with their teams in the Super Bowl. Sorry, Wyoming. If we did declare Super Bowl Monday a national holiday, how would we celebrate it? Besides nursing a hangover and severe indigestion from all those hors d’oeuvres we consumed before falling asleep in the 2nd quarter. I understand some NFL owners enjoy celebrating Super Bowl victories by flying to Florida for a “massage”, but I doubt the average football fan could get away with such antics. If husbands in Texas tried something like that on Super Bowl Monday after a Cowboys victory, they’d spend Tuesday in ICU.

I bet there are a million elementary school teachers who’d vote to have a school holiday on the day following Halloween. Plus, it would give all those 6th Street revelers a day to sober up or post bail.

Why don’t we celebrate President’s Day on April 1? It’s already a day chosen for being tricked and lied to.

We could probably do away with Valentine’s Day. It’s just a marketing scheme aimed at young men to spend a lot of money to get themselves out of the doghouse after that stunt they pulled the previous weekend.

We don’t really celebrate Columbus Day much any more. And the way our politicians are trying to erase American History, it won’t be long before October 14 will be just another Monday.

Personally, I don’t need another holiday to keep up with. I already have numerous birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions and doctor appointments on my calendar. I don’t need any more to clutter up space saved for big events like the NFL Draft, the start of the college football season and Beer Appreciation Day.

Clint Younts has a full calendar. That includes a lot of time drinking his Lone Star Beer at the Crow’s Nest and contemplating how he can get out of work.

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