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No Corona, no worries

It’s been a while since my last column. Some of y’all might’ve been thinking I’ve done caught that coronavirus, but most of my friends know I mostly drink Lone Star. I haven’t had a Corona in ten years, not since I took a swig from a real skunky bottle. So, no, I don’t have the virus. I’m still on this side of the dirt and plan to stay that way. That’s why I am doing a self quarantine.

It’s not that I’m afraid of that teeny little virus. I have faced bigger and meaner foes. I have been charged by angry bulls and a wounded wild boar. I have encountered rattlesnakes as long as I am tall. I underwent an extensive back surgery and came out anesthesia healthier and taller than before. I have survived shopping at Target on Black Friday. I figure if these foes didn’t do me in, then I can probably beat the coronavirus.

The key word in that last sentence is “probably.” I’m technically in the vulnerable group since I’ve entered my 6th decade on this planet, but I am healthy with no underlying medical conditions besides having half a brain. I’ve never had a brain scan, but several people have told me, “If you had half a brain…” So, I figure I might use that
diminutive brain of mine to find ways to keep from getting this virus.

Since I have a source of income that allows me to stay home, I don’t leave the ranch except to gather essentials to survive, like food and necessary household items. And with the grass so tall and with this warm weather, I might have to venture out for more snakebite remedy in the near future. Just in case, you know.

Some of y’all might ask, “How do you keep from getting cabin fever?” Son, it don’t take some pandemic to give me cabin fever. I get anxious from being indoors after being in the house for more than an hour. I get outside every chance I get, no matter what the weather’s like. My wife often asks me why I go out to relieve myself when it’s cold outside. I tell her it’s to save water, but in reality, I just need to get outdoors.

When I see all the bad news on TV, I get depressed. Maybe get a touch of anxiety along with it. But as soon as I step outside, I begin receiving therapy. Breathing in fresh air, the sound of birds and tree frogs cascading around me, I immediately start to feel better. Long walks in the woods or time spent on my tractor works better than anything a therapist can prescribe.

This past week, every afternoon is spent in one of the backyards here with the family, socializing and watching our grandchildren play. Some days, smoke hovers over us as ribs and sausage sit in the smoker. Just beyond the barbed wire fence that surrounds our ranch is the unseen foe that has changed lives across the world, but here, at the Crow’s Nest, it’s just another Saturday afternoon, 7 days a week, filled with laughter, children playing
and sipping cold beer. No Corona here.

A little advice from this old coot with half a brain: Stop watching the morning news. Don’t read Facebook posts from Covidiots. Be smart. Be positive. Be safe. We’re all in this together, and we will get through it. Take care, and I’ll try to write more often, perhaps beneath the shade tree.

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