By Dale Roberson
I’m afraid to go to the bank!
Not because I think I might catch the Coronovirus. What I’m afraid of is they might see a masked man coming in, call security or shoot me for a robber.
I do use a N95 facemask when I go out in public. But that carries somewhat of a stigma.
The governor is letting some businesses open; like restaurants, hair and nail salons, tanning parlors and even tattoo shops, I believe.
Hair and nail salons don’t bother me. I’m going to let my hair grow down to my butt and my beard down to my belly button. If my mustache gets any bigger I won’t need a mask. I’ll just comb it over my nose.
As far as nail salons go, if I thought I was going to be seen in one, you bet I’d be wearing a mask. I’d fish out an
old Halloween job that completely covered my head. I might even wear a Burka.
Those who go to tanning parlors are really going to look funny with the burn all over except from their chin to their
eyes. They might come out looking like the Lone Ranger.
I might go to a tattoo parlor though. I don’t want any artwork, but they could tattoo a permanent mask across my face. A red bandana design would look nice and fill the bill.
I admit I frequent liquor stores quite a bit. So often in fact, they recognize me even in a mask. Otherwise going there would be just like going to the bank. I’ve often made jokes about robbing a liquor store for needed funds, but I don’t want to get shot just because my ugly face is covered.
Gyms are supposed to open too. After a couple of month’s workout layoff and 10 minutes on the treadmill I’m
going to need an oxygen mask.
I might take a break from being holed up and go to a bar. I’m just going to punch a hole in my mask and insert
a long straw to sip my Margaritas through.
I don’t know about restaurants however. That hole won’t be large enough to cram in a chicken fried steak.
The other day I saw a guy in Sam’s who had made his mask out of a Miller Lite carton. That gave me an idea. I’m going to make several masks out of different brands and sell advertising on my face.
I might as well cash in on this problem nature gave us. Maybe I’ll get a contract with a tobacco company. My slogan will be “If the virus doesn’t kill you smoking will!”
Stay safe. Wear your mask.