Definitely not normal

This COVID-19 plague continues to wreak havoc all over the world. Beside inflicting illness among millions and killing thousands, this pandemic has also caused financial hardship for many people. I could type for hours, filling two, maybe three paragraphs with mind-numbing facts about the pandemic, but I like to focus on the positive. I’m a glass-half-full kind of guy, one who always has more beer to fill that glass once it runs dry. So instead of harping about all the devastation this virus has caused, I am going to shine a light on good things that have arose since that stupid bat was tossed into a wok.

Due to the stay-at-home recommendations and shut-downs, we have been able to enjoy massive amount of quality time with our spouses. Who hasn’t heard “We don’t spend enough time together” ever since you
returned from your honeymoon? Well, once this virus is gone, we won’t be hearing this phrase for another decade or so.

Look at all the money we have saved by not filling our gas tanks every week. I think the gasoline in my truck is from the fill-up I got when I ran to buy beer for my Superbowl party. Unfortunately, all that money we saved went to paying for home delivery from the liquor store.

Oh, our flowerbeds had never looked prettier. After years of neglect and getting peed on every morning, what once was a bed of sickly weeds and ant mounds the size of elephant crap is now a beautiful, weed-free bed of blooming flowers and neatly trimmed shrubs. Thanks, coronavirus for allowing us the time to do yard work.

This quarantine has also enabled many women to acquire a new skill. After viewing Youtube videos, a number of wives and mothers have learned how to cut men’s hair. My wife gave me a fine trim last month, and now you can barely see the scar from having my ear surgically reattached I’m now sporting Bo Derek braids until I replenish my blood supply.

During this extended quarantine, we’ve also been able to catch up on our favorite Netflix show, along with every other show on Netflix. There are still a few more episodes of Green Acres I need to see before we switch over to Hulu and see what’s showing there.

There is something else that we may have for some time long after this pandemic is over. Thanks to this virus, we have several new phrases to add to our vocabulary, like “pandemic”. Before the coronavirus arrived, I had never heard of a pandemic. Oh, I’ve read about several epidemics like those from polio and smallpox, but never a
pandemic.

What the heck is a “novel virus”? I thought it was a Michael Crichton book. And has anyone heard of PPE before all
hospitals are in dire need of this since March? I thought PPE was medical jargon for a urine test.

“Flatten the Curve”. I’ve heard doctors and scientists talk about us needing to flatten the curve before we can go
back to restaurants and bars again. Heck, that’s where I got this curve below my sternum, and now I’m supposed to flatten it?

“Unprecedented Times” is another term I keep hearing. I’m not sure when this started but I believe it began soon after Trump’s inauguration. And how about “Uncertain Times” I hear frequently this in radio ads. Some teenage
girls experience this term in those minutes after peeing on a stick.

“Social Distancing” is a new term we all use, but folks have practiced that around me for years. Not sure why.

The term I really dislike is “the New Normal”. I’m not real sure what the old normal was. Sure, we’ve had to change many of our daily routines due to this pandemic, but we are always adapting to new ways. Times are changing. They have since the beginning of time. Today’s “normal” will be obsolete in a few years. As for me, I am far from normal. Perhaps that’s why I see so much social distancing around me.

Clint Younts works with his cattle and makes sure his grandchildren know all about the ranch. But as for social distancing from him? Maybe his girls could explain it. Really.

crowsnest78610@gmail.com

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