Sage advice

Y’know, if it weren’t for this corona virus, I’d’ve never had learned how many smart folks there are out there using social media. Well, at least on Facebook since I don’t tweet or do any other form of chatting with strangers. And being home a lot in an attempt to keep myself and my family healthy, I have more time to drink coffee and scroll down countless pages on Facebook. I had no idea how helpful fellow Facebookers can be.

There are a mess of self-proclaimed experts posting “facts” about science, medicine, history, politics and sports. Some of these scholars might post something that makes me rub my chin and say, “Hmmm. I never thought about that”, while some folks post a theory that leaves me wondering what recreational drugs this guy’s using while binge-watching “X-Files”.

I guess there are a lot of medical professionals and scientists out of work because I see so many scholarly posts on this corona pandemic. Complete strangers are offering sage advice on how to keep from contracting the virus. I’m so thankful these folks remind me to wash my hands, something I should’ve been doing for the past 60 years. Where were these advisors back in the ‘80s when I was performing artificial insemination on cows? If I had been advised to wash my hands back then, I bet my sandwiches would’ve tasted better.

All the controversy over wearing masks has got me all befuddled. Some folks say it helps and some say it doesn’t. Anyone who has ever crawled under a house to remove a decomposing possum knows all too well that a cloth mask doesn’t stop that horrendous stench from invading your nostrils and squatting in your sinus cavities for a several hours. Perhaps some expert on masks can substantiate my theory that wearing a mask when encountering a skunk will help only if the polecat is wearing a diaper. How many of y’all just rubbed your chin and said, “Hmmm?”

I have seen lots of folks debating climate change and global warming. Both sides have theories, and some are legitimate, but some folks are complete wackadoodles. Like those in the Flat Earth Society. They like to post a lot on Facebook. I guess they have nothing better to do. I doubt any of them are taking a cruise or going deep sea fishing.

Something I won’t check out anymore are political posts. Good Lord, there are a mess of folks on social media with a rather large twig inserted in their rectal orifices. No matter which political party you belong to, if you post anything political, some irate extremist from the other side will vehemently disagree. I could post something about it being hot in Texas during July, and some nutjob with twisted undies will claim it never got hot here until Obama was elected. Or Bush, depending on their affiliation.

Some folks really get downright mean replying to a harmless comment. I used to read comments attached to an interesting post, but there are way too many negative, profanity-filled replies that I move on after blocking those nasty cretins from ever appearing on my page. Now, to make my Facebook a little friendlier, I block every stranger and snooze many “friends” who posts political stuff or other controversial subject matter.

I enjoy sharing jokes and puns on Facebook. I’ll read posts on Texas history, and I’ll look to see who has a birthday. I might even send them well wishes. I enjoy seeing photos of sunsets, wildlife and kinfolk, but I wish people would stop posting pictures of food. There’s nothing more depressing than seeing tantalizing photos of BBQ or Mexican food while I’m heating up a Hot Pocket. And if some opinionated Facebooker starts blathering about a violation of their Constitutional rights, he will quickly be shuttled off to the Land of the Blocked. Meanwhile, as once advised by our founding fathers, I will continue my pursuit of happiness and scroll on down the page.

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