Well, I’ve got some disappointing news for all y’all who peruse this column seeking to obtain scholarly information, sagacious advice or thought-provoking conjecture. For years, I have been sharing my infinite, yet convoluted wisdom with all followers of the written word and occasionally the fella plopped on the neighboring barstool. Although, I plan to keep writing as long as I have half a mind and my typing finger doesn’t get blown off, I just don’t know if my musings will be intellectually stimulating. You see, the source of my sagacity was depleted a few days ago when a dentist removed all four wisdom teeth from my cavernous mouth.
I’m not totally sure all my wisdom came from those molars, but immediately after the extractions, I noticed a vast decline in my mental acuity. Luckily, I had a driver to take me home from the dentist office or I might still be circling a round-about, trying to find the exit for home. I’ve been told that wisdom is not actually stored in those teeth, but I couldn’t solve a single puzzle on Wheel of Fortune the evening after my extractions.
I’m not expecting to become a complete moron like so many folks who display their copious ignorance on Facebook and Twitter, but I can feel my IQ dropping by the minute. I won’t go dumb without a fight. I have purchased several educational books which I plan to tackle as soon as I buy more crayons. As my cistern of knowledge dries up faster than a birdbath in the Sahara, I am hoping to regain some insight from some of y’all. So if y’all don’t mind, could someone answer some questions that I’ve been pondering?
Why are there so many people hesitant over getting a vaccine that can end this pandemic once and for all? It can’t be a fear of needles since millions of folks have tattoos engraved into their hide. Some women are worried about the safety of a vaccine but are willing to get a neurotoxin injected into their faces, and some guys don’t trust Pfizer’s vaccine yet they have a stockpile of Pfizer’s little blue pills in their nightstand. Many folks are worried about the vaccine’s side effects, but they’ll buy a dozen tamales out of the trunk of some stranger’s car. Can someone explain this to me?
I can’t figure out why some guys are stockpiling guns and ammo. While I was sitting in that dental chair, injected full of Novocain and Propofol, did the scientific community predict a zombie apocalypse in 2021? I know there are folks a lot dumber than me predicting another civil war, but aren’t we still fighting the first one?
Explain to me why citizens are still fussing about the government advising us to wear masks and practice safety measures. The only answer I can come up with is because there is an abundance of folks with no common sense. There are laws to get us to wear seatbelts, and we are urged not to text and drive, but many people still do despite the fact that there are over a million car crashes each year due to distracted driving. Besides being selfishly ignorant, is there any proven reason not to wear a mask in public?
Answer me this, if you can: When numerous judges, government officials and computer safety experts say there is absolutely no evidence of election fraud, why do some many still believe the unsubstantiated belief of one man who just can’t accept the fact that he lost the election?
Mark Twain once stated, “Never argue with stupid people; they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.” I no longer debate with strangers on Facebook. I refuse to stoop to their level. I just hope that without my wisdom teeth, y’all don’t ever see me walking around in Walmart in my pajamas and my mask pushed down under my chin.