National Crow Appreciation Day

By Clint Younts

Ah, fall is in the humid air. Halloween decorations occupy leaf-covered lawns and pumpkins are slowly decaying on front porches. Oh how I do love fall! And once all the ghosts and goblins are back in the storage shed, we officially enter the holiday season. 

Thanksgiving is trotting fast towards us and turkeys are on the endangered list. As I’m pecking on this here keyboard, Christmas is exactly two months away. 

In the next few months, there will be several holidays and other special events, but did y’all know that every day of the year is a National Day of some cause or obscure object. Y’all might know a few of these, like Talk like a Pirate Day, but there is a bunch more. 

Back on Sept. 4, we celebrated National Wildlife Day. I was unaware of this quasi-holiday, but next year I promise not to trap any possums and allow them to scavenge through my garbage cans and scatter trash all over the yard. And on this special day, I won’t shoot any feral hogs unless they are in my yard, or my pasture, or in the woods behind my house, or…

Sept. 7 was National Beer Lover’s Day. I knew this day existed but forgot the actual date. So, to keep from disrespecting beer lovers, I toast these folks pert near 365 days a year.

Sept. 24 is National Punctuation Day. I celebrate this event by going into town and proudly display my colon. Oddly enough, the 25th is National Check Your Seat Day. I suppose that’s the day you should get a colonoscopy.

In October, we have all sorts of special days, like on the 1st; it’s National Raccoon Appreciation Day. Look, I don’t want to sound callous, but I don’t appreciate these garbage-strewing masked bandits one bit. This day is also the National Family Literacy Day. I ain’t right sure whatcha s’pose to do on dis here day, but I reckon I can obzerve it.

Oct. 2 is the World No Alcohol Day. Here, hold my beer while I laugh. And on the 13th, or maybe the 14th, it’s National Train Your Brain Day. I can’t remember what day exactly, probably due to excessive celebrating on Oct. 2.

Oct. 21 is National Reptile Awareness Day. ‘Round these parts, that’s just ‘bout every day of the year. Ironically, this is also National Change Your Drawers Day.

Oct. 23 is National Mole Day. I messed up last year by showing folks at Chick-fil-A the mole on my butt cheek that I discovered on Sept. 25. I was later informed the day is for all those chemistry nerds out there, and I now have a restraining order from ever eating a spicy chicken sandwich again. But luckily I can celebrate National Greasy Food Day on Oct. 25. 

Oh, I heard this past Sunday was National Tight End Day. I’m not sure if this is a day to honor football players or the Kardashian sisters.

Some of y’all might’ve missed these special days, so I’ll list some upcoming special events for you. Like World Vegan Day on Nov. 1. Who wants to join me at Whataburger to celebrate the glorious day?

We have National Donut Day on Nov. 5. And then on the 15th, it’s National Raisin Bran Day. At my ripe old age, it’s essential that I observe this event. If I were to heartily celebrate on the 5th but skip the celebration on the 15th, I will be observing National Enema Day on the 16th.

Nov. 20 is National Absurdity Day. Well, if this isn’t the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!

Scattered through the last week of November, most of the events are food related, like National Eat a Cranberry Day, National Stuffing Day and National Cake Day. Toss in Thanksgiving on the 25th, and on the following day, we’ll be observing National Comatose in the Recliner Day.

I hope all y’all have a great day.

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