By Clint Younts

T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the store, 

Pert near every shelf was bare, ain’t much left here anymore.

We shoppers were socially distant, kept far apart,

Plodding through the store, pushing our empty carts.

There’s a momma in her mask, papa’s still in denial,

While their bratty kid ran amok down the aisle.

When over in Houseware, there arose such a clatter.

Wasn’t no big deal, just a broken platter.

Away to Electronics, I scurried like a fox,

Hoping to find one remaining Xbox.

The flicker of the overhead neon light

Gave the luster of midday to us that night.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear,

But a coughing shopper, my worst fear.

A little old man, so pale and so sick,

I knew in a moment, I had to be quick.

More rapid than diarrhea, I shot through the store,

Thinking I should get boostered once more.

Dang Covid! Dang Delta! Now Omicron, what’s next?

I’m fully vaccinated but I’m just so perplexed.

To the self-check counter, about to scan my gift,

Hoping there aren’t any germs my fingers will lift.

Then, in a twinkling, I heard from above,

“50% off all toys”. My cart I did shove.

As I reached the dolls, I came to a sudden halt.

Surprised to see Barbie dressed as an astronaut.

And Ken was wearing an apron, his hair in a man-bun.

Wearing skinny jeans, loafers covering his toes,

I’m thinking this Ken has a hankerin’ for GI Joe.

My eyes, how they watered. So many changes today.

I’m not buying this doll. No way, Jose’.

My chapped lips turned to a sad, little frown.

Too many Californians are living in this town.

I clinched my jaw, began grinding my teeth.

Smoke came outa my ears, circling my head like a wreath.

I scrunched up my face and scratched an itch.

Muttering “Those folks at Hasbro can kiss my grits”.

I spoke no more words, headed to the check-out lane,

My heart was thumping, I was going insane.

Then I saw the sign hanging o’er aisle nine.

I grinned after reading “Beer and Wine”.

I sprang to the beer section, flew like a missile, 

Finding a sale on Lone Star, I gave a loud whistle.

To the check-out counter, smiling and standing tall,

Knowing I’ll have a Merry Christmas after all.

Merry Christmas to all y’all!