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From the Crow’s Nest: Nobody like me

By Clint Younts

There is a mass of humanity on this planet, and like snowflakes and zebras, no two people are alike. There are identical twins that look alike but might be different in other ways. And then, there’s the belief that somewhere, you have a doppelganger, a complete stranger who looks so much like you that you’d swear some scientist cloned your DNA. I actually saw my doppelganger one day as I was walking to class at the University of Tennessee (Go Vols!) back in 1977. I saw this guy and he saw me, and we both had the same expression on our faces as we passed each other.

Even today, forty-something years later, I wonder about this guy. Where was he from? Where is he now? Were we related? And if we are, is he rich and generous with his money? Is he a brilliant writer or more like me? I also wonder at times, usually somewhere between my 3rd and 5th beer, if there’s anyone else walking on this Earth who’s just like me.

Does anyone else try to identify the species of roadkill as you drive by? I don’t know why I do this. Multiple therapists are still scratching their heads over my little quirk. And does anyone else pull off onto the shoulder to look for a Lone Star beer bottle to place on a dead armadillo’s belly?

Who else chooses a political candidate on the basis of whose advertising campaign is the least annoying? I’m not a big fan of Beto but Greg Abbott’s ads run ad nauseam. I woke up early Sunday morning to watch Sports Center and see highlights of Tennessee’s win over Bama. (Go Vols!) Abbott’s anti-Biden ad ran 5 times during the 90 minutes I watched ESPN. I don’t know if my headache was from his ad or my post-game celebration, but I had to turn off the TV and take some Tylenol.

Will any of y’all turn down a free beer if it’s one of those nasty light beers? I’d rather drink out of the bird bath than drink a Michelob Ultra.

Speaking of adult beverages, who else can’t stand those seltzer drinks? Most taste like a mixture of club soda and Robitussin.

Does anyone else enjoy body surfing with the grandkids knowing good and well that you are likely to wake up the next morning stiff and sore? I recall my surgeon advising me of things I should never do again, but he never said anything about body surfing like a dang fool.

Who else wishes all this construction and destruction will stop? Small towns are turning into overcrowded cities, and our landscapes are now filled with apartment complexes and neighborhoods cluttered with indistinguishable houses. 

Does anyone else wish there were more radio stations that play real country music and not that hick hop music coming out of Nashville these days? KOKE is good, but out here on my ranch, there’re only a few paces I can pick it up clearly on my truck radio?

Who else has a hard time trusting weather forecasts?  Those folks on TV seldomly get it right. Personally, if I want to know if it’ll rain, I look for tree frogs clinging below the eaves of our house. I saw one hunkered down beside our back door last night just an hour before it rained.

Have any of y’all ever attended a cousin’s wedding and kept tabs on the score of a football game while the lovely couple is exchanging vows? And has anyone stood up during the reception and sang Rockytop at the top of his lungs after watching the Volunteers beat Bama on discreetly hidden smart phone?

If any of y’all share any of these peculiar traits of mine, we might need to compare our DNA. We could be related somehow. Heck, one of y’all might be my doppelganger that I saw back in Knoxville. If you determine we are indeed related, let me assure you that I’m not rich and certainly not generous with what money I do have. But I will offer you a good beer and not a Topo-Chico.

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