I’ll admit it: I am a people pleaser.

Without hesitation, I almost immediately say yes when someone asks if I can help them with something, but when I can’t help, I feel this guilt rush over me. I overuse “I’m sorry” and try to avoid conflict if I have a choice.

I feel bad when I say no to getting together with friends or family because I just need to have a few hours to myself. I apologize to my husband when I am in a bad mood for one day because, even though I wish I was, I am not perfect.

I’ve been trying to think back to when my people-pleasing habits started and I guess it began when I was in grade school.

Remember when I said that I’m a teacher’s kid?

My mom taught us from the very beginning of our education to respect our teachers and other adults. I grew to admire them for what they did every single day to the point that when I messed up, I thought less of myself.

There are a few times that come to my mind. For example, when I was in the second grade, we were taking a benchmark exam in class and my teacher was sweet enough to pass out gum among the other snacks provided to us.

I managed to get that big piece of pink gum (the kind that loses flavor within five minutes) stuck in my hair.

Embarrassed, I walked to the front of the class so my teacher could take scissors to my hair to literally cut the gum out of its misery. We can laugh about it now, but then, I thought I lost my teacher’s respect. I always wanted to be known as ‘the good kid.’ People-pleasing goes beyond just being kind, according to what I found in my research. Yes, being nice is a good thing but people-pleasing goes beyond that. Listed below are some of the signs.

• You need others to like you

• It’s hard for you to say no

• You apologize or accept fault when you are not to blame

• You are quick to agree

• You are a giver

• You overcommit to plans, responsibilities or projects

Two of the ways to overcome being a people pleaser that hit home are to practice putting myself first and learning to set boundaries. I’ve learned that I need the necessary energy and resources to help others; in other words, I have to take care of myself before I take care of others.

My people-pleasing tendencies can also be tied to my Enneagram type. The Enneagram Institute states that Twos (the helper) are empathetic, sincere and warmhearted; they are friendly, generous and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering and people-pleasing.

Twos are described to have a basic fear of being unwanted and unworthy of being loved, causing our basic desire to feel loved.

So, I’ve still got some work to do. I don’t think I’m ever going to not be a people pleaser, but I will learn how to set healthy boundaries with myself and others.

If you’re a people pleaser like me, know your limits and know that it’s okay to say no sometimes!

I try to stay optimistic and positive. But some days, that is just impossible. It’s not always sunny and that’s ok.

Navarro is the editor of the Hays Free Press/News-Dispatch. She can be reached at megan@haysfreepress.com.