IT’S NOT ALWAYS SUNNY
I’m sure you’ve heard the infamous phrase, “Did I stutter?” It’s used often when someone does not understand what the other person is saying. But for me, it has a entirely different meaning.
When I was in grade school, my stutter was not my friend. I did not want to talk or think about it. Every day, I wanted to wake up to it having magically disappeared from my life. It was a daily battle to hide my stutter because if it came out, there would be another embarrassment and insecurity the other kids could tease me about. Yes, kids can be cruel.
That’s just it though, I couldn’t hide my stutter. I just had to work around it.
Stuttering is a difference in speech pattern involving disruptions or disfluencies in a person’s speech, according to the nonprofit National Stuttering Association. People who stutter often experience physical tension and struggle in their speech muscles, as well as embarrassment, anxiety and fear about speaking.
There is an estimated 1% of the adult population who stutters, which amounts to almost three million people in the U.S. who stutter. Stuttering is about three or four times more common in males than females.
How severe a stutter is differs per person. It may also vary in the same person from day to day, just depending on the speaking situation. Saying one’s name and speaking to authority figures may be particularly difficult. For some people, fatigue, stress and time pressure can increase their tendency to stutter. When people who stutter feel compelled to hide their stuttering, it generally becomes worse, the National Stuttering Association states.
What does a stutter sound like? People who stutter may experience repetitions (D-d-d-dog), prolongations (Mmmmmilk), blocks (an absence of sound) or a combination of these sounds. They may also try to avoid stuttering by pausing, substituting words or interjecting phrases such as “you know” or “um.”
I don’t remember the exact moment that I began stuttering, but I do know that I was fairly young, between the ages of kindergarten and second grade. My mom blames herself for not being able to stop it, but I’ve tried to reassure her that we don’t know what caused it and it could have been anything.
When I hit first or second grade, I was instructed to be taken out of my regular classes to attend a speech therapy class with two of my classmates. I felt like a fish out of water; I did not belong there. I felt like I was falling behind in my studies because I was stuck in this room with no windows for who knows how long, reading letters and phrases off flashcards.
My memory of the timeline is blurry — I guess I just blocked it out so I didn’t have to relive the past — but we ultimately decided for me to not continue the speech therapy classes after elementary school.
My stutter stayed with me through my middle and high school years. While I learned how to manage it, there was still an emotional toll that tagged along. I felt an overbearing anxiety when a teacher called on me to read a paragraph in the textbook aloud in class; I defaulted to adding “it’s” in front of my name when I introduced myself to someone new; and constantly worried if I was going to fit in, despite how many friends I already had who accepted me for me.
Being in the choir program from 6th-12th grade helped boost my confidence. Did you know that you don’t stutter when you sing? Learning that was a true comfort for me.
I went to college to become a journalist, knowing that I would have some form of a stutter for the rest of my life.
Just like singing, storytelling has always been a comfort for me. I was never much of a reader growing up — I did not like being told what to read because I like to take my time — but writing was a whole other story. I used to keep a few notebooks lying around my bedroom full of stories that I created with my wild imagination as a child. When we were assigned to write our own version of bound books in elementary school, I was ecstatic.
That passion for storytelling has only evolved in my journalism career. It’s been another way for me to communicate when my stutter can sometimes be too difficult to bear.
I love connecting with people from all walks of life, learning about them and sharing their stories. You do not know what kind of impact you are going to make, as I’m still amazed to meet people who just want to be heard.
I’ve learned ways to manage my stutter and how to anticipate when I need to slow down my speech to get my message across. There are some letters that are more challenging and certain situations can make me more prone to stutter, like when I am stressed, nervous or excited.
My stutter may not ever go away completely but I’m thankful for my husband, friends, family and coworkers who have been patient with me over the years and accepted me for me. Thank you!
For the kids or adults who may be dealing with a stutter, know that you are not alone in this. It’s okay to take a few moments to catch your breath before moving on to the next word. The biggest advice that I can give is to be patient with others, but also be patient with yourself.
Navarro is the editor of the Hays Free Press/News-Dispatch. She can be reached by emailing megan@haysfreepress.com.
